It seems like vulnerability is a big topic these days in people looking for their soul mate.
What does being vulnerable mean anyway? It merely involves putting yourself in a position that you could either be hurt physically or emotionally.
It sounds easy to let down your defenses when it comes to the one you love , but it’s not as easy as it may appear. You have a natural defense mechanism that is there to protect you from being hurt, and when you let down your guard, it means exposing the most intimate parts of yourself.
Many people push away love because they don’t like to share some of the most intimate parts of their hearts, and it’s quite scary to expose yourself. When something goes wrong, the first thing you want to do is withdraw from the situation to avoid getting hurt. However, what if you stay and work through it?
Is it possible to control your natural-born instinct to defend yourself? So many people are missing out on love because they prefer to isolate and withhold the secret, innermost parts of their hearts. To accept and express affection requires vulnerability, and if you don’t master this art, then you may never find your true love.
ENGAGE IN THE ACT OF GENEROSITY
Generosity and vulnerability go hand-in-hand , according to the London Journal of Primary Care. Moreover, it improves your general feeling of wellness.
When you’re generous, you are showing an outward expression of the compassion and sensitivity you have deep inside. Being generous to a partner will show that you are willing to give your time and energy to help them.
Let’s assume your partner is sick and needs assistance. When they’re ill and can’t get out of bed, that’s when they need you the most. So, you clean their apartment and bring them chicken soup and tea. You’re allowing yourself to see them at their worst, and they are accepting your gift and showing their vulnerability too.
Remember, being vulnerable is a two-way street. You’re not on your “A” game when you are down and out and sick. When you do a generous act like taking care of an ill person, it gives you both a sense of gratification. Another benefit is it helps to counteract the human desire to withhold from others.
You open yourself up for emotional exchanges that you might not have the opportunity for when you isolate. Make a strong effort to give in a situation where you normally would stand back. Don’t expect any reciprocal treatment for the act, but you should do something kind to help another person.
If you make a nice gesture in the hopes of getting something in return, then you miss out on the true spirit of generosity. Plus, you won’t learn how to be vulnerable. There are many ways that you can be generous. The easiest way to do so is by buying gifts or giving money.
However, these acts are a little less emotional and don’t have the same psychological impact as something that comes from the heart. To be labeled a generous person, you must be willing to drop everything in your schedule to lend a helping hand. You will notice that you will look for opportunities to respond to people in need, even if it’s just offering a shoulder to cry on.
COMMITMENT TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP
When you’re in a committed relationship, there should always be acts of generosity that go back and forth. You must learn to receive as much as you give, which can also be difficult for some. It’s the same reason why some women don’t like to have the doors opened and closed for them.
Allowing someone to do something for you takes away your power to do it for yourself. Sure, any woman can open her car door, but it’s something special when her partner does it for her. It shows that he or she will take care of her and go the extra mile to protect her.
GENEROSITY IS PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL
Keep in mind that generosity isn’t just a physical display, either. Your words and actions can also be giving. Compliment your love on how they look and help them to destroy any negative self-image they may have. While this gift doesn’t cost a dime, its value is priceless.
Lastly, when you give to someone else, you feel liberated, energized, and less defensive. It will teach you how to be fulfilled in relationships. Many say that it’s essential to your emotional wellbeing, but it’s also a moral way to live your life.
BE CLEAR ABOUT YOUR WANTS AND NEEDS
Another way that you can show your vulnerability is by communicating your wants and needs. Your self-protective defense wants you to keep your desires hidden, and in many instances, people turn to others to find gratification for those desires. When you hide your agenda, you risk falling into narcissism, according to researchers.
Additionally, during your isolated times, you develop an attitude that you don’t need anyone else, and you can take care of yourself. It’s weird to ask someone for a need as it puts you in an inferior state where you may feel shame, and when you feel guilt, it’s often a painful emotion that you relate to childhood events.
Many children go through life longing to be understood, seen by others, loved, and touched by affection. Sadly, many didn’t get their needs met, so they develop a shame when they ask for friendship and humiliation because they will never seem like anything more than an unlovable child.
Even in their adult life, they feel the pangs of humiliation asking their partner for the things they need. It may be as simple as needing to hear at least once each day the words “I love you.” Yet, many can’t even bring themselves to ask for such a simple request.
If you want to meet and build a relationship with your soul mate, then you must be vulnerable. It will require overcoming your resistance to communicate with that person about your wants and needs. This also puts you in an uncomfortable position because you are putting yourself out there for a rejection or even frustration.
Thankfully, when you make these simple requests based on your needs, you will become stronger and more aware that you are no longer a child who feels pushed into the corner. There’s no shame or humiliation in asking for your needs to be met.
OFFER AND RECEIVE AFFECTION
You encourage vulnerability when you both offer and accept affection from others. Over time, you will learn that your soul mate isn’t going to use your vulnerable times to control you. When you share warmth and love with others, then you are making a statement that you’re ready to receive it in return.
Affection is both verbal and physical. It can be playful, tender, caring, or seductive. However, it’s given, it’s an outward expression of your generous nature and fulfilling the needs of others as well as asking for your needs to be filled.
BUT, HOW DO YOU ACHIEVE THIS?
At first, you may feel a bit anxious or uncomfortable as these behaviors are new and challenging to display. You need to protect yourself will undoubtedly come into play too. There’s always the risk that you will be hurt, or someone will take advantage of your generous nature.
However, if you hold steadfast and put your doubts aside, then you will learn why vulnerability in love is so essential. Research proves that individuals who had issues from their childhood that stem from abandonment, controlling, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, and neglect often have problems with vulnerability. These people withdrawal into themselves and walk on eggshells around others.
It makes it hard to have a meaningful relationship with someone who isn’t emotionally available. However, you can teach someone to be more vulnerable by giving them the tools they need to build confidence. Working with a therapist is a great place to start. If you want long and meaningful relationships, you must open yourself to the innermost parts you hide from others.
FINAL THOUGHTS ON THE CONNECTION BETWEEN VULNERABILITY AND FALLING IN LOVE
The beauty of finding your “person” or partner in life is that this is the one that understands you better than anyone else. Some people note that they find it easier to let down their walls when it’s with the right one.
Your partner will make you feel like an equal and not less than in life. Research indicates that with therapy, your childhood battles , and feelings of abandonment and neglect, can melt away when you’re in a safe place. What is it that you hold back in love, and how has it affected your ability to have meaningful relationships?
If you’ve been unlucky in love, perhaps it’s time to explore if your lack of a vulnerable nature had anything to do with it. You can learn to open and expose those secretive places to someone who isn’t there to hurt you, but they only wish to help.